Thursday, January 15, 2009

how it all started

i started this blog in order to have a place for friends and family to check in and get info on our adoption process all in one place. but i've ended up using it like a journal and neglected to write about the actual process! so, here it goes....

i met the boys when i went on a short term mission trip with a group of women through forward edge international. my friend katie, who is the wife of one of ian's co-workers, was the leader of this women's bible study group. though i was not a part of the group she decided to call and invite me to come along anyway. i was surprised and didn't know what to think, it was so out of the blue. ian immediately thought i should go and normally i would jump at the chance to go on a mission trip but we were aggressively trying to pay down our debt and the thought of putting a big chunk of moola into something freaked me out. through prayer and time, God made it obvious to me that His plan at that point was for me to go on this trip and for just a small amount of time put paying off the debt on hold. so, i agreed to go.

it was an AMAZING trip in so many ways. i fell in love with the country, the people, the language, the food, (ok, i was already in love with those two) and the women i was on the trip with. only 3 of which i knew before i went. one of the places we went to serve at was an orphanage called vida nueva-new life. there i met steven. i walked in the front door, smiled at him in his pack 'n' play and said 'hola'. he responded by throwing himself down and crying. not one who takes to strangers readily! it wasn't until a little later once i had had the chance to try to get through his anxiety and fear by talking and playing with him and then saw him holding hands with another little girl, smiling so wide and walking around the play area, that the falling started.
we had some really sweet moments together and i saw his mischievousness, his beautiful smile and laugh and his love of cuddles and tickles. i found out he had two older brothers and went in search of them before we left. i met carlos in the backyard playing on swings. i was struck by his politeness and empathy. i was pushing another boy on a swing and then started to push carlos too. he said: 'i can do it myself' but not in that way-you know the way. :) and then he said-'but thank you for pushing me!' i was shocked! i've been around enough young'uns to know how that scenario usually plays out. so, the middle brother had my heart too.

that night i couldn't stop thinking about them. i was so confused and surprised-this was not what i came down here for and i never before understood what it would be like to be in a house full of needy children and be able to know, without a doubt, which ones were meant to be yours. it was all so crazy so i prayed and prayed. the next time we saw them we went to a mall to play and eat. i was in charge of steven and got to sit next to carlos and giovanni on the bus. steven was scared and gio rubbed his back saying 'shhhh, shhhh' to calm him. it was so incredibly sweet and the oldest had my heart then too.

it is such a difficult thing to try to explain. people have asked: 'how did you know?' and i can't answer it in a way that really makes sense. i guess it can be compared to when you 'just know' the one you are to marry.

as soon as we were back in america i called ian and said: 'we are adopting three brothers and moving to nicaragua' he said 'ok'. simple and as trusting as that. good man. :)

the rest is history i guess. much has changed. we've grown closer together, gained more knowledge about adoption, attachment and abuse, Nicaragua and the spanish language, visited the boys 2 more times, and started down the long road of international adoption. its crazy to think back to what little we knew and how overwhelming the whole process was when we first started. our love for them grows daily, it seems. God has provided so much to us in this time and it is only through hope in Him that we have been able to survive the separation, the waiting, the grieving for their past and have a hope for the future of our family, even if it may be the hardest thing we have ever done. because of Him i know it will also be the most miraculous thing as well. that's usually how He works.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

Thank you my darling, for sharing your heart. It is truly a wonderful thing to watch, so thank you for letting us be a part of it!